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Archive:"Practice & Non-attachment"- July 30, 2009
Thank you all so very much for your well wishes on my 35th birthday. Unfortunately, I spent most of it in bed, very ill with food poisoning. We were so careful to only eat familiar things, and to do so in the hotel restaurant, and still here I lie, sipping a flat coke and hoping that this hour will be the one when I do not throw it back up. We’re going on hour number 8 at this point and, as my superstitious Irish Nana would say, “fingers and toes are crossed!"
The hotel staff called for a doctor to come and she gave me a shot that was supposed to make the vomiting stop, but didn’t! She also left me with several medications to begin taking when it does, but at this point I’ve begun to lose hope that will ever happen. But wait! I must remember that one of the yoga vitamins is SRADDHA, or faith, and that no state of being is ever permanent (one of my favorite things to tell myself when I am in a state of DUKKHA, or suffering) and I begin to feel my heart become more full with the possibility that I will, one day, feel better again.
That said, I have begun to consider returning home instead of continuing on to Pune to study. At this point the doctor will not let me leave tomorrow as I was supposed to and I have lost just a little too much weight from the unintentional KRIYA, or cleanse, that has been put upon me, for comfort. I’m a slight person to begin with and simply cannot afford to be this ill for this long in a land where most of the food could potentially make me sick again. Add to that the news that Pune is currently in the middle of an actual outbreak of swine flu (one of my yoga friends just spent an entire month there sick with, amongst other things, a wicked cough that she is taking home with her) and that makes the possibility of an early return home an even more viable option. I have surrendered my fate to God and know that no matter what decision I need to make for my own health and well-being you are all there supporting me whole-heartedly. Besides, as we learn in the Bhagavad Gita and the Yoga Sutras, our entire practice is to be done without attachment to the results…and this is for sure, a test of that pillar of Yoga, VAIRAGYA. Perhaps this was just my karma, to come all the way here, and have to return home to wait another year to study at RIMYI. Either way, I’m contented, SANTOSHA, because I have given up the need for this to have the outcome I was attached to, RAGA.
Keep checking the blog for wellness (see, I’m being optimistic) updates!
Peace and love, Holly
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